Forgiving myself

Well, I have always been a "make a goal, work toward that goal and achieve that goal" kind of girl. And sadly, if I don't achieve that goal, I'm pretty hard on myself. I think about my volleyball career and yes, I got free college; yes, I made great friends; but honestly, I sometimes think of myself as a failure because I never won a state championship in high school or a MAC championship in college. This is something that I've worked hard to just get over and keep in perspective. It usually doesn't bother me too much, and I honestly just try not to think about it most of the time.

Any who, I have a new goal. I want to be a great teacher. I want to go above and beyond, I want to always be doing something that will make the kids come back for more. Well, that was do-able with only two preps (two classes to prepare for) but this semester I have three preps (Physical Science, Integrated Chem/Phys and Physics). I started off okay, we were doing labs, taking notes and having a good time. Then things got busier.

I was foolish and thought that I could coach a little volleyball on the side AND do all of my crazy teaching. This is causing me to fail at my goal. I am getting spread too thin and have very little free/extra time!

So, a couple of nights ago I was just beating myself up on the inside because one of my classes didn't have anything to do the next day and I didn't know what to do. They should do a lab or some notes and homework. I should have a demo planned. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME???

After a few tears and some talking with Nick and I decided to just forgive myself. I can't be the world's greatest teacher right away. They were going to just watch a movie and I was going to spend their period planning for the next day.

And this is what I'm working toward. Forgiving myself for not achieving some of these goals that I set for myself. Yes, I should shoot toward being a great teacher but I'M A FIRST YEAR TEACHER! I was driving to school thinking/talking to myself and I made a commitment to just survive. I have at least 30 more years in this job, I have plenty of time to be great. This year I just need to be as good as a first year teacher can be. If the kids get a break day every now and then, they won't remember it a few years from now.

I don't want to be a teacher who breaks down crying at school because I'm too stressed and sleep deprived. (I already did that once this year) I was disliking my kids so much last week and earlier this week because I was exhausted.

So, I'm forgiving myself. It feels really good to set more realistic goals for myself and relax a little more.

Go ahead, forgive yourself for something that might not be so right in your life right now. It will be a weight off your shoulders!

Lots of love.